Dear God, Speak gently in my silence.

When the loud outer noises of my surroundings
and the loud inner noises of my fears
keep pulling me away from you,
help me to trust that you are still there
Even when I am unable to hear you.
Give me ears to listen to your small, soft voice saying:
“Come to me, you who are overburdened, and I will give you rest…
For I am a gentle and humble of heart.”
Let that loving voice be my guide. Amen.

(Henri J. M. Nouwen)

Divine Intervention

Today, at work I was looking out the window at the beautiful blue sky and I started to have a conversation with God.  I asked him, God can you hear me? I mean, really hear me?  I know so many people out here are suffering with so many tragic things going on in their life, but I just wish you could give me some guidance, or show me some divine mercy or divine wisdom.  Is my Mom okay?

Then, I went back to work. At lunchtime, I went out for a short walk and as I was walking I looked down.  I always look down when I walk.  I think I picked that up from my Mom.  Because she was a cleaner she always had to look down to pick up things when she worked in the theater.  A lot of people have told me when I walk, I look down.  I am always looking at the sidewalks.

Then, as I was looking down, I saw a bronze heart.  It was like a little charm that someone must have lost from a necklace so I picked it up and put it in my pocket.  I truly believe that was God's little sign to me that he was listening to me and had heard me.

It would take a special person to break down the walls I've built for myself
because the pain of betrayal, rejection, feeling unloved & hurt, is not worth the risk.
The only one I let in is God -- for he is compassionate, kind, forgiving & merciful.

Passenger - The Way That I Love You (Lyric Video)

SUCH BEAUTIFUL LYRICS!



"The Way That I Love You"

How many times can I tell you
You're lovely just the way you are
Don't let the world come and change you
Don't let life break your heart

Don't put on their mask, don't wear their disguise
Don't let them dim the light that shines in your eyes
If only you could love yourself the way that I love you

How many times can I say
You don't have to change a thing
Don't let the tide wash you away
Don't let worry ever clip your wings

Discard what is fake, keep what is real
Pursue what you love, embrace how you feel
If only you could love yourself the way that I love you

And if you ever choose a road that leads nowhere
All alone and you can't see right from wrong
And if you ever lose yourself out there
Come on home and I'll sing you this song

So how many times can I tell you
You're lovely just the way you are
Don't let the world come and change you
Don't let life break your heart

This year has been really hard for me.
Back in 2012 when Bella and my Mom died was another difficult year.
Actually, every year since then has been difficult.
Nothing has ever been the same.

I've learned some really hard lessons.
Like who is really a friend to me.

I've had so many negative thoughts running around in my mind that just don't seem to want to go away.  They keep popping up and they're hard to push away.
I have felt drained, and exhausted by them.

Feelings of worthlessness, unloved, rejection, abandonment by people I really cared for and still care about.

Feelings of why doesn't anyone think of me.

Life is really simple. Everyone wants to feel loved and understood.

I thank God every day for my family and those who want me in their life.

I have regrets that I have tried with all my heart to correct and make right.
I have seeked forgiveness but it didn't work out.
I feel hated at times.

I feel misunderstood. When people don't really know you, they really don't know your motives, or how much you cared about them.

Social media is a disaster for me. Too much comparison. Makes me feel more left out and uncared for, ignored and like I'm just a nobody.


I'm so glad that I've been a fan of David Archuleta's.  His talks and music I've been blessed by.
I feel his words so much and understand things he talks about.  Especially when he talks about insecurities, weaknesses, negativity.  It can be so draining and debilitating.  He wrote two songs called Numb and Paralyzed, how ironic.

I talk to God every day.  I seek his wisdom and guidance in my life.
He suffered while he was here too. People hated him and rejected him too.
He still loved people. I do too. Even those who hate me.

He was born in a filthy manger, the Son of God made it that way. Not on a high throne.
Jesus despised greedy people.  Money is the root of all evil.

Jesus came to teach us humility. To sit with the poor and feed the hungry.

Every thing I go through in life I lean on this verse: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding". Proverbs 3:5

A boy was born on Christmas to bring peace to the world
A boy was born on Christmas to teach love to the world
Sometimes I think that Man has forgotten this young boy
This boy was born on Christmas to bring peace to the world
How sad he'd be this Christmas to see men fight in this world
How sad he'd be this Christmas to see hate grow in this world
I wish that he could come back and show us love again
we're born again on Christmas and bring peace to the world


https://open.spotify.com/track/03ltGV3QnRrdpY8KZANiB0

spotify:track:03ltGV3QnRrdpY8KZANiB0

some days you just feel like everyone has just left you and forgotten about you