Reflections on Father's Day

Today I am thinking about my Dad.  My Dad passed away at the age of 52 from cirrhosis of the liver. I was just 14. He passed away around Thanksgiving.  I remember the day after he passed away I went to school but I couldn't focus.  The teacher asked me what was wrong and I started to cry and said my Dad passed away.  She wondered why I was in school that day. I honestly don't know why and she sent me home.  To be honest.  I didn't really want to go home.  What was I supposed to do at home now that my Dad was gone?  You see, my Mom worked and I always remember being at home with my Dad.

I remember watching TV with my Dad.
Listening to music with my Dad.
My Dad telling me stories about his family and about him being in WWII.

I enjoyed my Dad's company, even though he drank, even though there are memories and
episodes of his drinking I did not like.

I remember at one time in school when all the kids ate lunch in the cafeteria, but I didn't
enjoy being around the big square table eating with all the kids and I just wanted to go home and be with my Dad.  So I did, and of course, got in trouble for doing so.

But, I remember sitting at the table and my Dad making me a can of Campbell's Chunky
soup and maybe a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  It may not be much, but I enjoyed that.

I remember Dad always playing music, especially when he drank. But I'll never forget that
music.  That music influenced my whole life.  He liked the Big Band era and dancing the boogie woogie.  He loved the oldies, like Petula Clark, Dusty Springfield, Nat King Cole, Vicki Carr, but he also loved the music me and my sister enjoyed, like the Jackson 5, The Osmonds, David Cassidy, and Motown.  My Dad loved these two songs by Marvin Gaye that he used to play constantly.  "What's Going On" and "Mercy Mercy Me".  Those 2 songs will forever remind me of my Dad whenever I hear them.

Another memory I have is how much he loved watching the Jerry Lewis Telethon every year.  And one year it's like I made a bet (with myself I think) to see how long I could stay up all night and watch the whole thing with him.  I remember, I almost made it, but fell asleep at some point.

As much as there were many sleepless nights, and tired days due to episodes of his drinking,
I loved my Dad and saw him as a very sensitive, good hearted, loving, vulnerable person
whose passion for good music and good singers remained with me.

The disease was not my Dad.  My Dad was my companion growing up and I miss him.

It's Up To You!

It's Up To You!

Have you made someone happy,

or made someone sad,

What have you done with

the day that you had?

God gave it to you

to do just as you would.

Did you do what was wicked,

or do what was good.

Did you hand out a smile,

or just give em' a frown?

Did you lift someone up,

or push someone down?

Did you lighten some load,

or some progress impede?

Did you look for a rose,

or just gather a weed?

What did you do with

your beautiful day?

God gave it to you,

did you throw it away?

     -Unknown-

Road To Me

  self-dis·cov·er·y

      noun

1. the process of acquiring insight into one's own character.

     I spend an awful lot of time thinking and working on my self-esteem.

     I guess it's never too late.

     It's been badly damaged for SO long.

     I am proud of myself (and by proud, I don't mean, proud--boastful),

     I mean proud of how much work I've put into making myself feel

     better about myself.

     I need to know I am worth it.

     It's a long Road To ME.

JUST BE LOVE

We can choose to focus on loving things and being loving
Or we can choose to focus on hateful things and being hateful
Contribute to Love or contribute to Hate
The Power of ONE
Be the Change
Be an Example
We can only each do our part in this world
But each one of us is in control of our own actions,
our own words, our own behavior.

We all have different faiths, beliefs, ideas, lifestyles
We may not all agree, but we can show each other respect
Embrace each other's differences
Just BE Love
What if we didn't judge each other so harshly
Respecting each other is not agreeing but respecting each other is loving each other.

We are all in this world together
Just BE Love
There is no need to put down others.
There is no need to be condescending to each other.
We are all human beings
No Life is more valuable than another

BE Compassion
BE Empathy
Just BE Love

We each have so much power to be the change
we wish to see in the world
to see a better world for the next generation

We just have to focus on how we are manifesting
our thoughts, our words, our deeds
and how we are putting that out there
into the world

The more we each put out Love
The less Hate

HOPE
I still believe and have
HOPE

Patty-Ann

Misunderstood

David spoke at a UVU conference about "being misunderstood" after he had gotten thousands of hateful, angry replies to a tweet he had posted online which was a quote from a General Conference relating to what family means to HIM.

 (I am not going to post the specific tweet because my MAIN focus here is on the words "being misunderstood" and what that can do to someone).

David stated: "though I do firmly believe in God's order of the family, never had I intended to imply homophobic, belittling, political statements, however the damage had been done"

"I was now living what had ALWAYS been my fear before my Mission: of being misunderstood and taken the wrong way".

When I heard David speak about this feeling and "fear of being misunderstood and things taken the wrong way", that it was his worst nightmare, it resonated with me so much, because I have felt this way so many times myself, and believe me, it is an awful, awful feeling.

For me, I can tell you that when I "fear being misunderstood and things taken the wrong way",  it makes me not want to trust, not want to open up to people, not want to be on social media, not want to engage. It makes me withdraw and pushes me further back, further away from people where I honestly don't even want to communicate with anyone.

It is very hard for me to be on social media where people who don't know you can easily misinterpret your intention, judge you wrongly based on their own assumptions, and I can only imagine for David how it must be a million times harder with so many voices online.

He said it was his worst fear and I can relate to that.  If you've been misundertood many times over, you begin to not even trust yourself anymore...you know in your heart what you mean, but to have negative thoughts thrown back at you, and you know you're intentions were good, it really hurts. Because I put a lot of thought into what I'm going to say, when it gets misinterpreted, I have a hard time dealing with that. For some, speaking up or speaking their minds, comes easily. For me, it takes a lot of courage to even speak up sometimes.

Sometimes I just have to stay away from social media and interacting online (I totally understand why David must feel like this at times) because I see so many people jump to conclusions and judgments about others way too quickly, without any thought.

I always always remind myself that I don't know a person well enough to make harsh judgments about them. I don't know their life, their heart, or what they've been through to make them say or do the things they do. And, yes, I'm not perfect, and I know I, too, am guilty of judging others at times too, in my head or, perhaps I've talked to someone, a friend, about it, but I still reflect upon the fact that I shouldn't and I try to refrain from posting any of these judgments I may have because I don't really know them, and I try really hard not to say anything online to offend someone, even if I feel I have been offended.  

Maybe you can understand this maybe not, but you see, since I do put so much thought into things, for me to be misunderstood or my intentions not understood, it just really makes me sad, because I know I'm always trying to look at the other person's side of things or feelings.  I felt just as bad when it happened to Davd.

I wish people weren't so quick to post whatever they feel like, without any thought, of how it might really hurt another.

The worst feeling in the world is when you know someone has the completely wrong impression of you...and there is nothing you can do about it. I know the feeling and it sucks. I guess it boils down to accepting that people really don't know who you are deep down inside.

Emotional scars are just as important to me as physical scars.  They can bring a person's soul and worth down to nothing and it's very hard to build yourself up again, especially when some people don't even have a big support system.   It's important to have at least one person who will listen and understand.

God has been my savior and I talk to him all the time, and David's music has uplifted me many times, but it's good to have a family member or at least, one or two friends you can lean on when you're really feeling down about being misunderstood by others because I can tell you by my own experience that it ate away at my soul and made me feel very down, and it's not easy to pick yourself back up again.

Angels Amongst Us

I had the most beautiful conversation today with a father and his daughter while I was waiting at the doctor's office. At first it just started with how cold it was outside but then he told me just keeping smiling like you do because you have a beautiful smile. But then he said something I couldn't believe. He said I feel LIGHT from you. As soon as you walked in I saw and felt that LIGHT.  We talked, and him and his daughter were both very spiritual people, and he said when someone is very connected to GOD they can see it and feel it in others.  It's like a spiritual connection and he said that when I walked in he could feel it and see it in me.  He told me God is very close to me.  We shared more conversation. He also likes photography. When I asked him his name he said well, you probably won't believe me when I tell you so he showed me his card.  His first name was "Angel".  He was from South America, Equador.  He told me the more you pray and the more intimate you become with God the more you recognize it in others.  I truly enjoyed our conversation.

I felt really protected after that. I believe there are Angels amongst us guiding us and protecting us.

A Prayer

A Prayer
(an excerpt from "Enjoy the Lord" by Father John Catoir)

I have a prayer I want you to read.
Maybe it will help you.
Even if you can't say you believe,
just try reading it once in a while--
and thinking about it.
Just imagine that God is talking to you.

You do not have to be cleaver to please me;
all you have to do is want to love me.
Just speak to me as you would to anyone
of whom you are very fond.

Are there any people you want to pray for?
Say their names to me, and ask of me as much as you like.
I am generous, and know all their needs, but I want you to
show your love for them and me by trusting me to do what
I know is best.

Tell me about the poor, the sick, and the sinners, and
if you have lost the friendship or affection of anyone,
tell me about that too.

Is there anything you want for your soul?
If you like, you can write out a long list of all
your needs, and come and read it to me.
Tell me of the things you feel guilty about.
I will forgive you if you will accept it.

Just tell me about your pride, your touchiness,
self-centeredness, meanness and laziness.
I still love you in spite of these.
Do not be ashamed; there are many saints
in heaven who had the same faults as you;
they prayed to me and little by little,
their faults were corrected.

Do not hesitate to ask me for blessing
for the body and mind; for health, memory, success.
I can give everything and I always do give everything
needed to make souls holier for those who truly want it.

What is it that you want today? Tell me, for I long
to do you good.  What are your plans?  Tell me about them.
Is there anyone you want to please? What do you want
to do for them?

And don't you want to do anything for me?
Don't you want to do a little good to the souls
of your friends who perhaps have forgotten me?
Tell me about your failures, and I will show you
the cause of them.  What are your worries?
Who has caused you pain?  Tell me all about it
and add that you will forgive, and be kind to him,
and I will bless you.

Are you afraid of something?  Have you any
tormenting, unreasonable fears?  Trust yourself to me.
I am here.  I see everything.  I will not leave you.

Have you no joys to tell me about?
Why do you not share your happiness with me?
Tell me what has happened since yesterday
to cheer and comfort you.  Whatever it was,
however big, however small, I prepared it.
Show me your gratitude and thank me.

Are temptations bearing heavily upon you?
Yielding to temptations always disturbs the peace of your soul.
Ask me, and I will help you overcome them.

Well, go along now.  Get on with your work, or play,
or other interests.  Try to be quieter, humbler, more
submissive, kinder; and come back soon and
bring me a more devoted heart.  Tomorrow I shall
have more blessings for you.