This year has been really hard for me.
Back in 2012 when Bella and my Mom died was another difficult year.
Actually, every year since then has been difficult.
Nothing has ever been the same.

I've learned some really hard lessons.
Like who is really a friend to me.

I've had so many negative thoughts running around in my mind that just don't seem to want to go away.  They keep popping up and they're hard to push away.
I have felt drained, and exhausted by them.

Feelings of worthlessness, unloved, rejection, abandonment by people I really cared for and still care about.

Feelings of why doesn't anyone think of me.

Life is really simple. Everyone wants to feel loved and understood.

I thank God every day for my family and those who want me in their life.

I have regrets that I have tried with all my heart to correct and make right.
I have seeked forgiveness but it didn't work out.
I feel hated at times.

I feel misunderstood. When people don't really know you, they really don't know your motives, or how much you cared about them.

Social media is a disaster for me. Too much comparison. Makes me feel more left out and uncared for, ignored and like I'm just a nobody.


I'm so glad that I've been a fan of David Archuleta's.  His talks and music I've been blessed by.
I feel his words so much and understand things he talks about.  Especially when he talks about insecurities, weaknesses, negativity.  It can be so draining and debilitating.  He wrote two songs called Numb and Paralyzed, how ironic.

I talk to God every day.  I seek his wisdom and guidance in my life.
He suffered while he was here too. People hated him and rejected him too.
He still loved people. I do too. Even those who hate me.

He was born in a filthy manger, the Son of God made it that way. Not on a high throne.
Jesus despised greedy people.  Money is the root of all evil.

Jesus came to teach us humility. To sit with the poor and feed the hungry.

Every thing I go through in life I lean on this verse: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding". Proverbs 3:5