My Little Prayer

He followed his heart.
When I think of the word "integrity", I think of David Archuleta.
He is not above anyone.
When I think of the word "humility", I think of David Archuleta.
This video.

His grace.
God's love.

There are difficult times in our lives. We all struggle.
Those are the times we must pour into our Faith and Trust.

I am learning that God has a plan for me.

I sympathize and empathize with the lowly, the disheartened,
the meek, the people who feel unloved or unwanted, or left out.
The people who feel so unworthy and insecure.
The people who don't believe in themselves.
The people who feel misunderstood and mistreated.
The people who feel no one cares.

I hope and pray for them.
I hope I can encourage them to believe a little more in themselves.
I hope and pray I can encourage someone or lift someone up.

I just want to do my little part in this world.
I want to leave behind me love, encouragement, and faith
that God hears us and knows our struggles even when we don't
feel it, even at our weakest.

This song represents Faith and Trust and Hope and Love to me.

Have Patience

Think about it, we don't turn to God half as much when things are happy.
We usually turn to God when we are upset, or hurt, or angry, or feeling
stressful, or worried.  So don't resent those hard times because they are
there for a reason.  Every time you are hurting or upset or angry it is teaching
you something about yourself.  So if we only had happy and joyful times we
wouldn't learn as much would we?  Those hard times bring us closer to God.
Those hard times teach us more about patience and enduring.  Those hard
times teach us to look in the mirror at ourselves.  Every time you want to blame
someone for how you're feeling...look within. It's teaching you something about
yourself and that is where your hidden beauty lies, your blessings when you
truly take the time to look within.  I thank God for these moments because I
know I learn the most from them.  It's good to be happy but I don't feel we turn
to God and talk to him half as much as when we are hurting.

The bad times help us appreciate the good times even more so, so that when
they do occur I turn more and more to God to thank him for them.

I wake up and talk to God.  I sometimes talk to God throughout the day.
I could be just walking to the store and I talk to him, or riding the subway and
I think of him.  He is the constant in my life that I keep turning to.

So have patience with yourself through the good times and the bad times.

part of me...

part of me is sad
part of me is anxious
It's really a struggle just to feel good.
it's a struggle when you feel like
no one appreciates you

Poetry

I found my heart broken
beyond repair
Until a shimmer of hope arose
within the despair
it was just a shimmer
it does not stay
God's love is constant
Just go to him and pray
#poetry

When I let go of all my attachments
I began to find myself
Who I really am
#poetry

I've come to realize that my whole
existence has been one of
learning to love myself.
#poetry

I love to pray and talk to God
He knows me
#poetry

Happiness

Happiness --

Hard to explain.
I never feel it.
I'm too concerned about all the bad things that go on in the world.
All the hatred.

I'm trying so hard to just work on myself and find peace within me
and to love myself for who I am.

I've suffered a lot of loss in life and it's just been really hard to just be OK.

There are too many people in the world who suffer to be Happy.
There are too many people in need to be happy.

I feel too guilty to be happy.
There are too many less fortunate people to be happy.

I can't say I am never Happy.
There ARE moments that bring me happiness.
But, for the most part, I do not necessarily feel it inside.

I am grateful for every day little things.
But, my mind always is thinking about the bad things that go
on in the world.  The people who lose others unexpectedly,
or in an accident, and when I think of all the people who
suffer through tragedies, of any kind, I just cannot FEEL HAPPY.

Reflections on Father's Day

Today I am thinking about my Dad.  My Dad passed away at the age of 52 from cirrhosis of the liver. I was just 14. He passed away around Thanksgiving.  I remember the day after he passed away I went to school but I couldn't focus.  The teacher asked me what was wrong and I started to cry and said my Dad passed away.  She wondered why I was in school that day. I honestly don't know why and she sent me home.  To be honest.  I didn't really want to go home.  What was I supposed to do at home now that my Dad was gone?  You see, my Mom worked and I always remember being at home with my Dad.

I remember watching TV with my Dad.
Listening to music with my Dad.
My Dad telling me stories about his family and about him being in WWII.

I enjoyed my Dad's company, even though he drank, even though there are memories and
episodes of his drinking I did not like.

I remember at one time in school when all the kids ate lunch in the cafeteria, but I didn't
enjoy being around the big square table eating with all the kids and I just wanted to go home and be with my Dad.  So I did, and of course, got in trouble for doing so.

But, I remember sitting at the table and my Dad making me a can of Campbell's Chunky
soup and maybe a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  It may not be much, but I enjoyed that.

I remember Dad always playing music, especially when he drank. But I'll never forget that
music.  That music influenced my whole life.  He liked the Big Band era and dancing the boogie woogie.  He loved the oldies, like Petula Clark, Dusty Springfield, Nat King Cole, Vicki Carr, but he also loved the music me and my sister enjoyed, like the Jackson 5, The Osmonds, David Cassidy, and Motown.  My Dad loved these two songs by Marvin Gaye that he used to play constantly.  "What's Going On" and "Mercy Mercy Me".  Those 2 songs will forever remind me of my Dad whenever I hear them.

Another memory I have is how much he loved watching the Jerry Lewis Telethon every year.  And one year it's like I made a bet (with myself I think) to see how long I could stay up all night and watch the whole thing with him.  I remember, I almost made it, but fell asleep at some point.

As much as there were many sleepless nights, and tired days due to episodes of his drinking,
I loved my Dad and saw him as a very sensitive, good hearted, loving, vulnerable person
whose passion for good music and good singers remained with me.

The disease was not my Dad.  My Dad was my companion growing up and I miss him.

It's Up To You!

It's Up To You!

Have you made someone happy,

or made someone sad,

What have you done with

the day that you had?

God gave it to you

to do just as you would.

Did you do what was wicked,

or do what was good.

Did you hand out a smile,

or just give em' a frown?

Did you lift someone up,

or push someone down?

Did you lighten some load,

or some progress impede?

Did you look for a rose,

or just gather a weed?

What did you do with

your beautiful day?

God gave it to you,

did you throw it away?

     -Unknown-